THE BROKENfm GOOD-O-METER™: 2. Tatu: The Best
- 12/02/2006 08:57:00 pm
- By Mark X
- 0 Comments
Honestly, we're not going to be all Popjustice "hey, bet you didn't expect us to like this, eh?" every update, it's just that the last two albums we've bought have been Girls Aloud and this. And anyway, shut up. So, Tatu. Currently ahead of Metric and Stereo Total in BrokenFM's, er, LastFM most favourite all-time bands of all-time page, even though they've only done two albums. Well, make that three, because here's their Best Of. And it's twenty songs long. And they've only done two albums. Going to be rubbish, huh? Well, just to be on the safe side, they've chucked in a free DVD including several videos (only one from the first album, mind, so BrokenFM's copy of the Screaming For More DVD won't be seeing eBay any time soon), and it's in a gorgeous rounded-corner double disc type of jewel case we've not seen before. Pity they've used an old picture of them for the cover. Surely they could have dragged them in front of a camera for a new shot. After all, we've already got that picture in the special Tatu shrine in our cellar.
BUT WHAT OF THE MUSIC?
Displaying their typical Moscovite cheek, they've tried their best to break the Good-o-meter, by forcing us to cram all their good stuff towards the 'good' end of the scale. We've had to redesign it specially for them. And we didn't even include all of the tracks (there are three Russian versions of songs already on there in English, which would have got the same score). And now they probably want us to spend ages writing about each song and video individually.
Each Song And Video Commented Upon Individually:
(In decending order of superbity)
Loves Me Not
Best of the bunch, with guitars and synths having a great big fight in front of Dark Haired Tatu and Ginger Tatu's vocals. Yes, we're going to continue saying we can't remember their names (mainly because we can't, except that one of them is called Yulia, but we're not sure which one).
Friend Or Foe
[Reads liner notes] Noooooooooo! We absolutely love this song, and it's only now we find out it was co-written by bloody Dave "I'm Having My Lion Hour" Stewart. [Looks on Wikipedia] Nooooooooo! The artwork for the single was shot by Bryan Adams. Oh. And Sting played bass on the song, but at least he was good as a guest on The Smell Of Reeves And Mortimer, so we can live with that. Against all odds, it's still an ace song [checks Wikipedia to ensure Phil Collins wasn't playing the drums on it].
How Soon Is Now
Better than the original, and we're only partly saying that in case it annoys any passing fans of The Smiths. Stupidly, unreleased as a single in the UK. We do wish record companies of bands we like would consult us about picking which songs to release as singles.
Cosmos (Outer Space) (She Wants Revenge Remix)
They miss a bit of a trick by not using the album version of this, which would be battling with Loves Me Not for best track on the album. It's all very good, but it loses something when you can't quite hear the excellent breathy Russian accents on the first verse properly.
Not Gonna Get Us
Their second single (at least it was over here), and it's better than the first. Only it didn't sell as many copies of the first one. Which kind of buggers up the point we were making for the previous track.
All The Things She Said
"OMFG Teen Russian Lesbians Ban Them Now (And They Probably Want To Come Here And Claim Benefits Too)" quoth the Daily Mail upon the release of this. Which would make it worth buying on principle alone, but luckily it's also an excellent song. As you'll already know, as this is the only Tatu song everyone knows.
Loves Me Not (Glam As You Mix Radio Edit)
We weren't going to list the remixes, but this gives us an excuse to say if they wanted to put on a Glam As You remix, they really should have used the one for Friend Or Foe as well, because that's even better. Mind you, we think this one is exclusive to this album (apart from rare promo copies), so it's very welcome.
Null & Void
The sort of slightly haunting pop song that only really grabs you after a few listens, a bit like Nelly Furtado's 'Maneater' (only not quite as good).
Show Me Love
This might very well be relegated to much lower on the Good-o-meter scale, were it not for the excellent lyric "like a game of pick up sticks/played by fucking lunatics". Well, it sounds better in a breathy Russian accent.
Gomensai
Released as a single as soon as all of the Not Enough People Are Buying These Excellent Jaunty Pop Singles Put Out A Ballad Now sirens went off at Tatu HQ. It's not great, but it'll do.
Perfect Enemy
Ne Ver', Ne Bojsia
The former, a passable enough way to spend four minutes of your life, the latter their Eurovision entry from 2003. We don't understand any of the lyrics (obv), but it's a safe bet to say it's better than the next five British Eurovision entries are going to be. It came third, by the way, in the same year Jemini, y'know, 'happened'.
Ludi Invalidi
The Russian language version of Dangerous And Moving, and quite different it is too. A pity, as the English language version is fantastic, and not on here. DO YOU SEE GIRLS ALOUD? TATU COULD PUT OUT A 'BEST OF', AND LEFT ACE TRACKS OFF OF IT, WHEREAS YOU HAD TO GO AND STINK YOURS UP WITH THAT AWFUL VERSION OF 'I THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW'. Tatu are getting sued over this song, by people who don't get the point of, well, anything.
Craving (Bollywood Mix)
Divine
30 Minutes
Are all songs on this album. That we can't be bothered writing about.
All About Us
No sir, we still don't like it. Which makes it quite mystifying why they (well, the marketing department of their record company) keep proclaiming it as their 'flagship' track for the compilation. Of course, it's the last track of theirs to get in the top ten in the UK (ever, despressingly probably), and the only one we hear in pubs, so we seem to be in the minority here.
And What About The DVD Extras?
The live performance is very good. There's an interesting anime video for Gomensai that we were tempted to do a 'comedy' update pointing out all of the plot holes in (except it would have been a pointless reference no-one would get). The Ludi Invalidi video is the girls at their censor annoying best by including background orgies. The How Soon Is Now video is a quite rubbish 'what we did on tour' camcorder zero budget job. The non-animated Gomensai video is really boring (and we've just noticed we've spelled 'Gomensai' incorrectly in that jpeg). The remix videos are what you'd expect.
Lastly, the TV spots aren't, as we were hoping, specially shot "Hello Britain! We're Tatu! Buy our album!" adverts, but bog standard 'clip from the video with League One level radio DJ voiceover' adverts. And there's no chance of seeing the cringingly awful interview on The Frank Skinner Show which was, to us, like having your best friend from work meet your best friend from outside work for the first time, and end up not quite getting on in a way that makes you feel quite uncomfortable. Which, for some odd reason, we'd quite like to see again.
Summing up time.
In one sentence: It's really, really good, and everyone should buy it.
Average Good-o-meter Reading: 17.1
This Album Is Final And Conclusive Proof That People Who Whine On About All Manufactured Pop Being Rubbish Are: A big bunch of cocks.
Can We See That Interview With Frank Skinner On YouTube At All? :
Yes:
BUT WHAT OF THE MUSIC?
Displaying their typical Moscovite cheek, they've tried their best to break the Good-o-meter, by forcing us to cram all their good stuff towards the 'good' end of the scale. We've had to redesign it specially for them. And we didn't even include all of the tracks (there are three Russian versions of songs already on there in English, which would have got the same score). And now they probably want us to spend ages writing about each song and video individually.
Each Song And Video Commented Upon Individually:
(In decending order of superbity)
Loves Me Not
Best of the bunch, with guitars and synths having a great big fight in front of Dark Haired Tatu and Ginger Tatu's vocals. Yes, we're going to continue saying we can't remember their names (mainly because we can't, except that one of them is called Yulia, but we're not sure which one).
Friend Or Foe
[Reads liner notes] Noooooooooo! We absolutely love this song, and it's only now we find out it was co-written by bloody Dave "I'm Having My Lion Hour" Stewart. [Looks on Wikipedia] Nooooooooo! The artwork for the single was shot by Bryan Adams. Oh. And Sting played bass on the song, but at least he was good as a guest on The Smell Of Reeves And Mortimer, so we can live with that. Against all odds, it's still an ace song [checks Wikipedia to ensure Phil Collins wasn't playing the drums on it].
How Soon Is Now
Better than the original, and we're only partly saying that in case it annoys any passing fans of The Smiths. Stupidly, unreleased as a single in the UK. We do wish record companies of bands we like would consult us about picking which songs to release as singles.
Cosmos (Outer Space) (She Wants Revenge Remix)
They miss a bit of a trick by not using the album version of this, which would be battling with Loves Me Not for best track on the album. It's all very good, but it loses something when you can't quite hear the excellent breathy Russian accents on the first verse properly.
Not Gonna Get Us
Their second single (at least it was over here), and it's better than the first. Only it didn't sell as many copies of the first one. Which kind of buggers up the point we were making for the previous track.
All The Things She Said
"OMFG Teen Russian Lesbians Ban Them Now (And They Probably Want To Come Here And Claim Benefits Too)" quoth the Daily Mail upon the release of this. Which would make it worth buying on principle alone, but luckily it's also an excellent song. As you'll already know, as this is the only Tatu song everyone knows.
Loves Me Not (Glam As You Mix Radio Edit)
We weren't going to list the remixes, but this gives us an excuse to say if they wanted to put on a Glam As You remix, they really should have used the one for Friend Or Foe as well, because that's even better. Mind you, we think this one is exclusive to this album (apart from rare promo copies), so it's very welcome.
Null & Void
The sort of slightly haunting pop song that only really grabs you after a few listens, a bit like Nelly Furtado's 'Maneater' (only not quite as good).
Show Me Love
This might very well be relegated to much lower on the Good-o-meter scale, were it not for the excellent lyric "like a game of pick up sticks/played by fucking lunatics". Well, it sounds better in a breathy Russian accent.
Gomensai
Released as a single as soon as all of the Not Enough People Are Buying These Excellent Jaunty Pop Singles Put Out A Ballad Now sirens went off at Tatu HQ. It's not great, but it'll do.
Perfect Enemy
Ne Ver', Ne Bojsia
The former, a passable enough way to spend four minutes of your life, the latter their Eurovision entry from 2003. We don't understand any of the lyrics (obv), but it's a safe bet to say it's better than the next five British Eurovision entries are going to be. It came third, by the way, in the same year Jemini, y'know, 'happened'.
Ludi Invalidi
The Russian language version of Dangerous And Moving, and quite different it is too. A pity, as the English language version is fantastic, and not on here. DO YOU SEE GIRLS ALOUD? TATU COULD PUT OUT A 'BEST OF', AND LEFT ACE TRACKS OFF OF IT, WHEREAS YOU HAD TO GO AND STINK YOURS UP WITH THAT AWFUL VERSION OF 'I THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW'. Tatu are getting sued over this song, by people who don't get the point of, well, anything.
Craving (Bollywood Mix)
Divine
30 Minutes
Are all songs on this album. That we can't be bothered writing about.
All About Us
No sir, we still don't like it. Which makes it quite mystifying why they (well, the marketing department of their record company) keep proclaiming it as their 'flagship' track for the compilation. Of course, it's the last track of theirs to get in the top ten in the UK (ever, despressingly probably), and the only one we hear in pubs, so we seem to be in the minority here.
And What About The DVD Extras?
The live performance is very good. There's an interesting anime video for Gomensai that we were tempted to do a 'comedy' update pointing out all of the plot holes in (except it would have been a pointless reference no-one would get). The Ludi Invalidi video is the girls at their censor annoying best by including background orgies. The How Soon Is Now video is a quite rubbish 'what we did on tour' camcorder zero budget job. The non-animated Gomensai video is really boring (and we've just noticed we've spelled 'Gomensai' incorrectly in that jpeg). The remix videos are what you'd expect.
Lastly, the TV spots aren't, as we were hoping, specially shot "Hello Britain! We're Tatu! Buy our album!" adverts, but bog standard 'clip from the video with League One level radio DJ voiceover' adverts. And there's no chance of seeing the cringingly awful interview on The Frank Skinner Show which was, to us, like having your best friend from work meet your best friend from outside work for the first time, and end up not quite getting on in a way that makes you feel quite uncomfortable. Which, for some odd reason, we'd quite like to see again.
Summing up time.
In one sentence: It's really, really good, and everyone should buy it.
Average Good-o-meter Reading: 17.1
This Album Is Final And Conclusive Proof That People Who Whine On About All Manufactured Pop Being Rubbish Are: A big bunch of cocks.
Can We See That Interview With Frank Skinner On YouTube At All? :
Yes:
