Having always utterly hated the whole Pop (Stars/Idol/Factor) reality show thing*, BrokenFM had never seen fit to go anywhere near a Girls Aloud album, but always quite liked most of the singles it'd heard on Tinpot Local Radio. Therefore, on a daft whim (and ignoring the dull whine of any Aerosmith fans snorting "they've only been going ten minutes, and they've got a greatest hits album!"), it wandered along to Tesco and bought their Greatest Hits. And what did it think? Well, unveiling BrokenFM's REVOLUTIONARY (at least we haven't seen anyone else do it, although they're probably bound to have) Good-o-meter™, here's a track by track guide**...

* Although crucially, never having anything against 'manufactured' pop. It never did the Monkees any harm, and a world without Kylie's Come Into My World is a world we'd rather not be a part of. 'Manufactured' pop that happens to be utterly rubbish can piss off, mind.

** At this point, if you're thinking "but what about judging how the album gels as a cohesive whole?", you might like to fling yourself off the top of a high building. An album has songs on it. The more good songs it has, the better. That's what albums are for. You cohesive hole.

Those track by track details in full, in descending order by quality:

Something Kinda Ooh
Pop single of the year? Could be! We're not quite sure why they've only got until three o'clock, though.

Sound of the Underground
The most surprisingly non-rubbish Christmas number one of modern times.

Love Machine
At least eight times better than the 'ironic' cover version by the Arctic Monkeys, clearly. Take that, 'proper' music.

The Show
Textbook pop that could even bring a smile to the face of Alan Hansen, we reckon.

Wake Me Up
No Good Advice
More quality pop music, even if we can't think of anything especially interesting to say about them.

Long Hot Summer
Spirited stab at another 'Love Machine', but not quite there. Not that bad, and worth a go.

Biology
Almost good, but takes a while to get going, and then really wasn't quite as good as you thought it was going to be.

Whole Lotta History
Bog standard interchangable ballad that everyone's mum would probably quite like. We reckon there should be a law that unless it's going to be at least 65% as good as Numb by the Pet Shop Boys, you're not allowed to release a ballad as a single. Which is probably why we're not involved in politics, to be fair.

Life Got Cold
A generic offcut seemingly rejected by the Sugababes. At least it's not a cover version, we suppose.

Money
Ooh, no. And that woefully bad pretend-Mexican voice near the start doesn't help any.

See The Day
Of the covers on here, easily the least bad, but there's no real reason for it to exist.

I'll Stand By You
Why bother to make a cover version that's just like the original, only not as good?

Jump
Or one that's way beyond your abilities?

See The Day
Like all of these?

I Think We're Alone Now
Oh dear. Oh deary deary dear. No. Of all the disappointing cover versions on here, this one displays the greatest gulf between the cover and the completely ace original. Awful. Not quite Jennifer Ellison Baby I Don't Care awful, but very, very close.

Summary: Thanks to only having a producer and writer on a time-share basis with other bands, a worrying amount of the album is taken up with rubbish cover versions. Do you see? You should only do a cover version if you can either do it better than the original (cf Johnny Cash, Hurt), or take it in a different, interesting direction (most good cover versions ever)? Of course, they still sell, which is kind of the point for most pop acts, but seeing as the Girls Aloud project is able to produce pop records nearing perfection, it's annoying to see their puppeteers plumping for cashing in on versions of other people's classics when they're so nearly capable of coming up with their own.

We get the feeling that if they'd waited a couple more years, they'd have been able to put out an absolutely ace 'Best of' album full of their original tracks, and another easily-avoided one full of their cover versions, but they're not so sure they'll be around for that long, so have chucked this out now while the going's good. Hopefully, given that the whole group is greater than the sum of it's parts, none of them will go solo, and sometime in 2008 there'll be an excellent 'The Actual Best Of Girls Aloud' to look forward to.

Also, it's remarkable acheivement putting out a record that contains both the best and worst pop singles of the year.

Average Good-o-meter™ Reading: 13.6. Should have been much better, but good to see the whole range of the Good-o-meter™ getting a work out on its debut.

But! Is it as good as Tatu's Dangerous and Moving? No.

Or Tatu: Best? No.