All music criticism is pretty much invalid, basically. Which is why anyone who still buys the NME, with actual money, is a bit of a daftie.

STUPID HYPOCRITE

Having said all that, erm, recommend some music to you is precisely what we're about to do (in our lovably ramshackle way) on the other side of this full stop: .

Pop quiz, hotshots. How many of the following things do you like?

If you answered "yes" to the first five items, then the next bit is for you. If you answered "yes" to the last two things, the bit after that bit is for you.

THE FIRST BIT

One Life Left is Europe's only FM-broadcast videogame radio show. It drops English every Monday night on London and the internet's Resonance 104.4 FM, except it isn't doing that for a bit, as it's not on right now. Keep checking that website for updates.

(A FEW HOURS TOO LATE BREAKING NEWS: The new series of One Life Left actually started earlier tonight at 9pm. Luckily, it continues every Tuesday from now on, with a similarly nine-o-clockly starting time, each week for the next 24-or-so weeks.)

However! Each episode thus far can be nabbed from here in podcast form. Best of all, our favourite bit (and if you've read this far, soon to be your favourite bit) goes by the name of Free Market Economy. It's a series of monologues, songs and musings from the mind, mouth and fingers of Derek Williams. If you like the idea of hearing a market stall holder riffing on the theme of unsold second-hand copies of Xbox 360 Football Manager 2006, the Game/Gamestation merger or City of Heroes to a variety of musical stylings, then this is for you. If you don't like the idea of those things, you're wrong and you should.

Don't take our word for it (oh, you weren't? Bah). You can soon find yourself downloading it by clicking on these words here, then make your own mind up. After listening to it. And that.

You should be able to subscribe to OneLifeLeft's podcast from iTunes once the new series begins. Until then, go here for previous episodes.

THE OTHER BIT

Now and then, BrokenTV TV (which once made it into the "Top 100 Most Viewed : (Today) : Comedy" section of YouTube for about an hour) receives a friend request from someone else. Usually, these are merely automated offerings plugging godawful Country and Western music, or right-wing American conspiracy theorists. Recently we got one from someone worth actually adding to our 'exclusive' 'friends' 'club'. Isa And The Filthy Tongues sounded a bit like they might be a performance art troupe that blurred a line between 'art' and 'filthy porn'. In actual fact, they're much better than that. They're, as our pre-amble suggested, quite a bit like Sonic Youth circa Kool Thing, only not quite as good.

Lucky, Not Being Quite A Good As Sonic Youth Performing Kool Thing is still a very good thing to be. And so here are a couple of their videos.


"EDUCATION"


"FINDERS FUCKERS"


Both good, and as far as we're concerned "very much worth it, gov'nor".

Only a few months ago, BrokenFM was loudly pondering to anyone within a fifteen metre radius about how annoying it is that the entire genre of 'indie' music (or alt. rock, or whatever The Kids are calling it these days) is taken up wholly by interchangeable Jo Whiley-approved white male guitar bands. We've just clicked through pretty much the entire iTunes top 50 alternative chart, and as far as we're concerned about 75% of it could have been performed by the same band. 'Band' with a silent 'L', there. Oh, how we longed for that to change, how we longed for the days when the monthly Indie chart on The Chart Show (when it was on Channel Four, natch) would contain bands such as The JAMMs or The Sugarcubes, as opposed to sodding Razorlight, the flipping Arctic Monkeys or the chuffing Pigeon Detectives, all plopping out the same old tunes that your Dad probably quite likes too.

Granted, there are tons of brilliant acts making music right now, such as The Go! Team, The Hold Steady, Bonde De Role, MIA, but it's never any of them that seem to get played on the radio we've got to listen to in work. Sadly. Which is just one of the reasons we really chuffing well hate our job right now. And that last past is worth saying, because we're guessing the head of the HR department from Associated Chocolate Ice-Cream, Cake And Puppies Incorporated reads this blog.

Now, in the modern space age days of September 2007, the music world is a very different place. Now our radio doesn't spurt out endless hours of dull white man rock music that your Dad quite likes. Now there are two acts that feature annoying women pretending to be cockneys on vocals instead, and as a result we now want to start hurting ourselves with knives.

Reverend and the Makers. Kate Nash. Go away. You're making Baby Jesus cry. If anyone actually relates to the fact that "'e sed to Keeley 'e finks Oi'm spesh-ul", or they think rhyming "bittah" with "fittah" is a good and clever thing, they'd be better served by having bricks thrown at them. It's music for people who pay £3 for a small section of a song as a ringtone, when they could get the full song for 99p anyway.

That's why today BrokenFM is starting a new campaign. Cut out the badge below, and proudly wear it at all times. With any luck, the campaign will be up there with the Dennis The Menace Fan Club and Blue Peter in the badge ubiquity stakes by the start of November.

At least Lily Allen uses her 'telephone voice' when performing a song that lots of people are going to hear.

Good News!

There are two (count 'em) previews of the new High Water Marks album on their MySpace page.

Bad News!

Their new album ('Polar', on the brilliantly named Happy Happy Birthday To Me Records label) doesn't seem to actually be coming out any time soon. And if that weren't a kick in the swingers enough, when BrokenFM tried to post a comment on their MySpaceBlog, we had to sign up especially to do so. That's something we've been putting off for ages, because we really don't care in the slightest about having a MySpace account. The worst part is, not only is the internet now MOCKING US MERCILESSLY for having no friends, some bloke called Tom is laughing at us for having no friends. It's too much for a fragile blog such as BrokenFM to handle.

Similar to what we said about that mp3 below, but inserting the following facts into the correct places.

First update for an age, we know. Sadly, the decision to build ourselves a gigantic media rack out of chicken wire, reinforced cardboard and Cyan-Taque (the non-copyright infringing local discount supermarket equivalent of Blu-Tac) was a catastrophic one, and as a consequence we've spent the last ten weeks digging our way out of the pile of Pet Shop Boys reissues, bootleg Depeche Mode tribute albums and Carter USM promos we'd amassed over the last 20 years. Still, we've now recovered and can begin to offer the music opinions that almost dozens of readers have come to expect.

Of course, the massive flaw in simply writing about music on the internets is along the lines of "why should we listen to you? Granted, you've been empirically correct about every single one of your end of year Best Of 2006 lists, but without listening to the tunes you're championing, how do we know we'll like what you're talking about?" Well, we're a highly principled (i.e. scared of being killed by ninja lawyers) blog, and don't want to be a party to the 21st Century home taping that is giving away MP3s. That said, we do like the idea of more than 3 people bothering to read this blog, and so we present a happy medium.


Yes, that's right. Doing what everyone else does, but pretending we're somehow justified in doing so. First up, an alternate version of Love Cliché, by Bran Van 3000.

Who?

The ones who did Drinkin' in LA, a pretty big hit in 1999, after being a smaller hit in 1998. It became a bigger hit after being used in a not-very-good cider advert that was pretty much an ad-friendly remake of the Smack My Bitch Up video. That was taken from their critically well received album Glee, which, despite containing at least six slices of SOLID POP GOLD, wasn't plundered for any more singles after Drinkin'... became a top three smash. Although the BBC did use some of the track Gimme Sheldon in a trailer for some golf.

So this is from that album?

Nope. After Glee, the band sat around until 2001, by which point they released the follow-up Discosis. Not quite up to the standards of their debut, it was still enjoyable enough, with the highs (Astounded, Dare I Say, Rock Star, Love Cliche) more than making up for the lows.

So, this is from that?

No. After first single from the album, Astounded, featuring the late Curtis Mayfield, received a decent amount of radio airplay, the decision was made to put out the wonderfully bouncy pop song Love Cliché as a follow up. In the same vein as Len's Steal My Sunshine, it would have been the perfect compliment to any summer. Unfortunately, the band's US record company Grand Royal went out of business before the release of the single, despite promotional copies being sent out containing the song itself, and an alternate guitartastic version of it.

And this is that?

Yes. Given it doesn't seem to crop up on eBay very often, and there's no other way you can legally get hold of the track, we feel morally justified in offering the following.